


jagyc

by mochaaaa



Series: the golden rule [1]
Category: The Mandalorian (LadyIrina AU), The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, DO NOT WEAR A BINDER LONGER THAN THE RECOMMENDED TIME, Gender Dysphoria, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Attempted Suicide, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Transphobia, M/M, Please Proceed With Caution, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, Unsafe Binding Practices, Yes it Is, a decent amount is based off of the author's own experiences with dysphoria, adding new layers to corin's self loathing, at least for one of my fics, but corin is also extremely oblivious/ in denial so, corin has both pauldrons but doesnt know dins name yet, din says trans rights, for many things, itll make this easier for both of us, just bear with me that the empire would allow troopers to transition, light UST, not necessarily anywhere specific in the timeline, ofc corin loves saying 'i'm fine' when we know he is not, smaller hints at corin's ptsd, they're so freaking obviously in love jfc, touch starved corin, trans mlm author, trans!corin, trigger warning, what's this? angst?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:54:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22398154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mochaaaa/pseuds/mochaaaa
Summary: "Fine. But… let me explain myself, okay?" The Mandalorian gave a slight head tilt, trying to mask his intrigue, but quickly responded. "Okay."Slowly, he pulled the blood-soaked shirt off of his torso. He was soexposed. There was no way to know the Mandalorian's reaction through the helmet, but he felt the man's eyes on his body- namely, the tight, black garment that extended about halfway down his midsection.Swallowing thickly, he finally spoke. "I- I wasn't exactlyborna man. I'm sorry for not telling you until now. If you want me to..." He trailed off, unable to finish that sentence.If you want me to leave, I understand. To never be around him or the kid again.Corin knew the Mandalorian understood what it meant. How could he not? There'd been whispers ofhis kindall across the galaxy, of those who were born one way and lived another. Every culture had stories.Few of them good.-Corin is a trans man.He gets injured, and Din has to treat him....Maybe Corin was wrong to assume Din would react negatively.(read the tags! this fic isn't a part of my series, and has darker elements)
Relationships: Corin the Stormtrooper (Rescue and Regret)/The Mandalorian (The Mandalorian TV)
Series: the golden rule [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1701856
Comments: 37
Kudos: 303





	jagyc

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LadyIrina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyIrina/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Family and Home](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21758992) by [LadyIrina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyIrina/pseuds/LadyIrina). 



> jagyc - [JAH-geesh] - Mando'a - male
> 
> quite a bit of Corin's dysphoria/thoughts are based on my own, and I figured writing them out could help- which it really did!
> 
> Of course, it is mostly unique to what we know about his past as a Trooper and with his dad.
> 
> Please heed the warnings mentioned in the tags!
> 
> Also, join the mandorin discord :)
> 
> https://discord.gg/MJXtWzs
> 
> This time, I'm especially thanking LadyIrina for giving us permission to write trans!Corin on tumblr. the idea has been bouncing in my head for about a month, and this has sat mostly-finished for a good 3 weeks now!

Corin had been travelling with the Mandalorian and the child for several months.

And they still didn't know. 

Well, the Mandalorian still didn't know. The kid wouldn't understand, anyway.

He wasn't sure why he was so reluctant to tell him- it wouldn't be a big deal, really. Hardly anything would change in their day-to-day lives.

But, part of him was unspeakably terrified the Mandalorian would view him differently. What he thought mattered more than Corin cared to admit, yet.

 _You're not really a man_ , he might say, like Corin's father had. _How could you be?_

Maybe he'd dislike him, or even be disgusted by him. 

Corin wouldn't blame him. 

He felt disgusted, himself, whenever he was forcibly reminded of… certain parts of his body.

And, for several days each month, he was being _constantly_ reminded.

Ever since he'd gotten the implant in his thigh a couple years earlier, it'd been significantly less blood, and pain. For some guys, he'd heard, it eventually stopped completely.

Just his luck that his body would continue taunting him, though. He'd finally had a face he recognized when he looked in the mirror, a voice that was truly _his_. But he still had to wear his old, worn compression garment- especially now, with the Mandalorian around.

His old squadron knew, and surprisingly, supported him unconditionally. He felt a bit more comfortable going without the undershirt around them, at least during off-times. Of course, he'd insisted on male Trooper armor, so the garment was necessary- even through 12 hour days, sometimes.

It was not the best idea, and he probably shouldn't have done it, but he took it over the darker thoughts his chest had caused when he was a teenager.

Now, though- well, things needed to change.

Corin only allowed himself to remove the garment while the Mandalorian slept, or when he used the bathroom or bathed. Any time he had guaranteed privacy, he'd reluctantly give his sore body a break. Avoiding looking down, of course.

Sleeping was a different story.

Of course, the Mandalorian probably never even left the cockpit when Corin slept in the bed. But, he couldn't let himself risk it, so more often than not, he'd force himself to sleep sitting up in an uncomfortable cockpit chair. 

The only thing that made it bearable was sitting so close to the Mandalorian. A few times, as he dozed off, Corin could've sworn he'd heard his Mandalorian quietly sigh in his direction.

"What am I going to do with you, _cyar'ika_?"

It had to be just his imagination, though. A dream. Anything but real.

The Mandalorian _couldn't_ see him like that, could he? No, he couldn't. 

Just because he had some sort of _crush_ on him didn't mean it'd actually amount to anything. 

But, why couldn't Corin just _move on_ from it, already? Why did he have to get butterflies anytime the visor turned to look at him, or whenever that deep, calm voice spoke to him? 

The last thing he needed was to fall for an aloof man who simply kept him around to watch a child. A _Mandalorian_ , no less. He’d heard the stories.

Regardless, he wouldn't push his luck, trying anything. He'd already gotten so much from the Mandalorian- there was no way he could ask for any more.

He wasn't worth it. He couldn't be.

-

They'd just narrowly escaped with their lives from the Imps.

Both men had sustained several injuries, but Corin had fared worse off. Which really wasn't surprising, considering his armor wasn't quite as substantial as beskar- except for the pauldrons on either shoulder. Luckily, they had protected him from a few blaster shots.

He'd been sliced pretty deep on his thigh and not far above his belly button. His lip was busted open and bleeding a lot. Bruises littered his body, judging by how sore he was all over. He'd have been lucky to have not broken anything.

The adrenaline, however, and the determination to protect the other two seemed to have kept him going.

The Mandalorian had had an experience with a blaster, though his shoulder had _just_ barely been grazed, next to the beskar pauldron. Corin had no idea if his face had been injured like his own, but he held the other shoulder strangely when he walked, meaning it'd probably been dislocated.

Once the ship was far enough away, the Mandalorian again checked that the child was safely where they'd left him, in the closet. Afterwards, the Mandalorian made his way back to Corin in what they'd more or less established as the medical area of the Razor Crest. Corin had to reset the bounty hunter's shoulder so he could begin working on both of them. The _crack_ of bones rang loud and sudden in his ears, like a blaster shot, causing him to flinch.

The Mandalorian hissed in pain, but after giving himself a moment to recover, he gently sat down in front of Corin.

"You've got to be more careful," the Mandalorian scolded as he removed Corin's armor, though it was laced with something softer. Almost… affection.

No. That had to be something else- exasperation, maybe.

"It's not that bad." Corin distantly wondered if he might simply _care_ , but that thought was discarded when the Mandalorian began removing his shirt- and _oh kriff his gloves were off, when did he take the gloves off_ -

Instantly, he recoiled, throwing himself as far away from the Mandalorian as his protesting body would let him. Corin winced upon impact with the wall, but stood his ground. No way would he let his shirt be removed, not like this. He wasn't ready for the other man's possible reaction. For him to toss him out on the next planet and be picked up by Imps.

"Corin, I have to check that wound. It was pretty deep," the Mandalorian said calmly. "What's the problem?"

Shit. This wasn't how he wanted this to happen. He trusted the Mandalorian, of course, but it had more to do with how this would change things. How it could change _everything_. 

"I can't let you do that. I'm sorry. Please, please- just let me handle it. I can fix it up myself." Corin hated how his voice shook with emotion and pain, now that the adrenaline was wearing off. He probably looked like a cornered animal, eyes almost comically wide.

The Mandalorian was visibly confused, even with the helmet. Obviously, he had no idea what the problem was. "Don't be ridiculous. You're not gonna be able to do it yourself, at least, not properly." His voice softened. "I understand if you'd rather not remove your shirt in front of me, but I wouldn't insist if it wasn't serious. That could easily get infected, if you didn't bleed out, first."

His luck was not heading in a good direction. But, he had no choice. It would be rather ridiculous to let himself die over this, and it was bound to happen, eventually.

Wiping a hand across his face, Corin sighed.

"Fine. But… let me explain myself, okay?" The Mandalorian gave a slight head tilt, trying to mask his intrigue, but quickly responded. "Okay."

Slowly, he pulled the blood-soaked shirt off of his torso. He was so _exposed_. There was no way to know the Mandalorian's reaction through the helmet, but he felt the man's eyes on his body- namely, the tight, black garment that extended about halfway down his midsection.

Swallowing thickly, he finally spoke. "I- I wasn't exactly _born_ a man. I'm sorry for not telling you until now. If you want me to..." He trailed off, unable to finish that sentence. _If you want me to leave, I understand_. To never be around him or the kid again.

Corin knew the Mandalorian understood what it meant. How could he not? There'd been whispers of _his kind_ all across the galaxy, of those who were born one way and lived another. Every culture had stories.

Few of them good.

The Mandalorian didn't react. At least, not that he could see. 

"Come here."

Corin briefly hesitated. What was the Mandalorian going to do? There was no way to avoid it, though, so he scooted back over to his original spot. At least he didn't sound mad.

The Mandalorian wasn't getting mad at him, or beating him, or yelling at him. He never had, but Corin had gotten some pretty visceral reactions over the years- whether it was his father, his uncle, other Troopers, or most of the few partners he'd had. There were plenty of reasons to be reluctant.

The other man opened a larger bacta swab, and began applying it to the wound on his abdomen. He said nothing as he worked on Corin's injuries. The silence was beginning to make him uneasy.

"You're… you're not mad?"

Briefly pausing, the Mandalorian glanced up. "Why would I be mad?"

Corin had never considered this. Why _did_ people get so mad at him? He'd always assumed his body was reason enough, but why? It wasn't his fault. As a kid, he did everything he could to try and be _normal_ , like all his friends. But he couldn't. 

He only realized that after he swallowed a bottle of painkillers at 17 years old.

Corin shook that thought away.

"I don't know. Hardly anybody's ever reacted well," he murmured contemplatively. 

Without looking back up, the Mandalorian responded, "Well, I'm not anybody." He didn't add anything, letting the words sink in, a bit, as he placed a bandage over the wound. Corin tried very hard to ignore the feeling of strong, _bare_ hands practically caressing his torso. "You're Corin, regardless of who you were forced to be in the past. Can I check on your leg?"

Looking into the black visor, Corin found no evidence of disingenuousness in the man. The Mandalorian said everything so matter-of-factly, probably not even realizing how much it meant for him to hear.

He realized that he hadn't answered the question.

"Oh- yeah, my leg. Right. Uh, lemme just-"

Well, the Mandalorian knew, now, so there was no reason to make as big of a deal as he did with the shirt. He was in his underwear around his fellow Troopers all the time, so how was this different? 

Why did it feel different?

Corin half-stood, and gingerly pulled his pants off, leaving him only in his black boxer briefs, his compression garment and his socks. Of course, he felt even more vulnerable, especially with how covered the Mandalorian was, in contrast.

Not that he had any reason to be undressed, along with Corin. _Why couldn’t he stop thinking like this_? It was wildly inappropriate, to say the least. The Mandalorian was helping him with his injuries, nothing more. 

It sounded like the Mandalorian's breath hitched at the sight of him, but that had to be from how bad the wound on his lower thigh was. 

Even if it wasn't that terribly bad, really. 

After realizing he was caught staring, the Mandalorian awkwardly shifted in his seat, cleared his throat and began working on the next injury. Corin forced himself to focus on the helmet so the sensation of those hands on his thigh wouldn't overwhelm him. So he wouldn’t do something stupid.

"If you don't mind me asking… when did you know?" The Mandalorian inquired almost humbly, which surprised Corin.

"Well, when I started puberty, probably. I mean, I was what, 12? 13? And for everyone else, it seemed to fit. Like, it was the next step, it made sense. But, never for me. I didn't know why, of course. I just figured everyone felt that way. When I got older, though, I kind of knew, in a way. I looked at all my guy friends, and wished _so much_ that I could just… be a part of that, and fit so naturally. Just look like them, and _be them_ , if that makes sense. So, after I thought about it, I told my dad. And if that wasn't the dumbest thing I could've done. All I remember is him screaming that I had a duty to the Empire, to… to have _kids_ , settle down with some military guy. That was the first and last time I screamed back, and stood up for myself. After that, I think I woke up with a bruised rib cage and a black eye. It's kind of a blur." The Mandalorian's hands twitched reflexively against his thigh- whether in anger towards his father, or commiseration to him, he wasn't sure.

"He couldn't look me in the eye, after that. We never talked about it again." Corin paused, considering whether he wanted to share the next part.

"And, a couple months later, I tried to, uh. Finish the job for him." Outside of his family, who'd just berated him, nobody ever knew about it. Until now.

The Mandalorian finished applying the next bandage, and looked up.

"I'm sorry." He sounded genuinely sympathetic, speaking with a softness he usually reserved for the child. It threw Corin for a moment.

Maybe… maybe he did truly care. 

"It's fine. I mean, I became a Trooper to make my family happy, but maybe even more so to escape. After a few years, they let me get the hormone implant. I haven't really thought about that part of my life, since." Honestly, he'd blocked nearly everything out from before he put on the men’s Storm Trooper uniform for the first time. 

It felt like someone else's life he was thinking about.

"You'll never have to again if you don't want to. You're with us, now, and I'll never judge you. And you know he won't." He gestured to the closet, where the child sat, watching them as he teethed on something shiny. Corin recognized it as the metal ball the kid was obsessed with, from the cockpit.

The words were simple, but their meaning couldn't be understated. He knew the Mandalorian well enough, now, to see that much.

Gradually, he smiled, pulling his clothes back on. Of course, the Mandalorian may never return his feelings, but for now, it was more than enough to be a part of their family. 

"Thank you." For a brief moment, they looked at each other, and the Mandalorian gave a light nod. 

Things between them were constantly progressing, but this... felt like something deeper. Knowing that the Mandalorian still cared and saw him as Corin lifted a huge weight off of his shoulders.

He breathed, feeling lighter than he had in a long, long time.

"Now, let me take a look at that blaster shot."

~fin~

**Author's Note:**

> asjkksjks ik my previous fics have been nothing like this one but honestly it was just as great to write as the others.
> 
> hope it's not too drastic of a jump!
> 
> ty for reading :)
> 
> s/o to all my trans+ folks out there. ily all and you're fucking amazing. don't forget that.


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